Reflection.

I've been doing a lot of that lately. 

What do I want?

Who do I want to be?

When do I need to have this all figured out?

How am I supposed to survive everything I'm going through on my own?

Where do I want to go next?

With everything on my mind as it has been recently. 

I took on the role of a hardened rock. 

I began to believe that I didn't need help.

I began to believe that if I accepted help, I would cave.

 I began to think of receiving help as a sign of weakness.

I care so much for others that I often forget that I too can be cared for.

My shoulder's began to get heavy.

I began to accept my sunken chest and loss of hope.

A person can only last so long standing on there own.

You see

people NEED people

and I needed so deeply

and just like that I received 

Life has a funny way of throwing people into the mix when you most need them.

Someone who somehow made me believe once again.

Hope once again.

And accept that I am deserving.

Just last night I was awakened, so to speak,

 by an acquaintance who I am fortunate enough to have 

in my corner and on my side. 

With this awakening I realized that I am afraid.

Scared.

Afraid to lean on someone, because I am afraid to fall.

I lack trust in humanity

and sadly

I lack trust in love

But a funny thing happens when you realize 

and confront

a fear

It becomes irrational 

minuscule

And how did someone help me realize this?

A very long conversation.

And a very convincing statement.

A statement that brought tears to my eyes

and a new hope to everything I have been lacking.

This statement is one I will be eternally grateful for.

One that I will cherish.

And that person
I will forever appreciate.
  

 ________________________________

You are beautiful.
 I meant it. I've meant it every time I said it.

But lets go past that, physical beauty doesn't last.

You are beautiful Melissa. You. Not your looks. You are.
The person you are.

You make the world a better place.

I told you that before, I am saying it again.
It is true.

You love so much, you give so much of yourself.

Part of love, and a part it took me forever to learn,
is letting the people you love love you back.

It's a huge part of it.

You deserve to be loved Melissa.

You do.

Well.

With every breath of someone.

You won't let anyone right now it seems.

Maybe your logic is solid, maybe it's flawed.
That doesn't matter.

You still deserve to be loved.

And I know you are.

Let the people who do, do it.
 

Let someone put their arms around you when you hurt.

Let someone help you lift a heavy burden.

Let someone show you they love you too.

It's not a one way street. It was never meant to be.

You are beautiful Melissa.

___________________________________________

 

:)

 

 

Turning 24

On January 15th 2012 I turned 24. Which is strange, because I am just now feeling like I might be old enough to drink, much less three years past.

The thing about birthday's is that they don't make much sense to me. Perhaps that is part of getting older. Birthday's stop making sense. I feel no different than I did at 21. A little more wise and more stressed due to bills and student loans. But no different.

I remember being so excited when I was younger, being able to hold up another finger. A finger on my second hand. Being able to add the word teen, or to be excited to be able to learn how to drive... and I guess that now I get to be excited to find out what kind of an adult I am. One step at a time, probably counting my mistakes on my fingers.


***

Thank you Chandy and Jenna (and everyone who signed it) for the table and Araya. Thank you Chandler for the recipe box!

   

Dara and Jenna signing my table.

Introducing Araya Luz.

My very own recipe box!

Everything I've Been So Busy With, That I Forgot To Write In My Blog

Here is an entire picture documentary on everything I have done since my last post. 

I got a little distracted.. and deserted my blog... but here are the things left out =)

Emily's Birthday Dinner

We got all dressed up and went to Joe's Crab Shack. 

Where Emily was dressed up like a crab for her birthday, Chandy played finger puppets with the shrimp and even Jenna wore a dress (although not happily)

 All Of The Girls At Mr. Heads

Chocolate Beer... What else is there to say?

Changed The Oil On My Car... In The Dark...

 

 

 

Zombie Walk 2011

Complete with Karo Syrup Blood, Tissue paper skin and a lot of feral noises.

In my opinion our make up was pretty dang realistic... 

you can't even SEE my eyes, and look at Sammy back there! 

 

Hallows Eve

I was a pirate, we played Halloween games and I got to wear my boots =)

 Dia De Los Muertos

The Day Of The Dead Celebration

This activity was on my list of things to do in life. Going to the celebration was truly amazing.

It started out with a parade, streams of people dressed for the occasion, holding pictures of loved ones past.

After the parade was a beautiful show, with Mexican skirt dancers ( I can't remember the actual name), an acrobatic show in the sky and a flaming giant ball, which I'm assuming was a symbol for letting the souls pass.

At least that is how I understood it. 

All in all, it was an excellent event to mark off of my list, and a great closing to those lost.

 Christmas Tree Hunting

We went to find ourselves the perfect tree. It turned out being pretty lopsided, 

but once decorated it fit our household perfectly. It was an adventure finding one in the forest.

It was hunting season... and I was very glad I had worn an orange beanie.

Ugly Sweater Party

Complete with "SNOW"

Home Made Christmas Presents

I made these beautiful Elephant Slippers (with help from my mom)

for Chandy Leverance. I thought they turned out rather adorable. =) 

 

 New Years 2012!

I can't think of a better way to kick off the new year, then with the friends I care about the most.

New Years Resolution?

To keep my blog (starting now) up to date.

Happy New Year Everyone!